Waves Joy is never gone, it is simply forgotten. Energy is everywhere, even in the waves. I believe in our human potential. I believe our natural disposition is JOYFUL and WHOLE. I want balance. I don’t want to have my guard up anymore. As my kids grow, I get more and more worried for their safety. But what is safety? Are we ever really safe? How can I know if being on… Read More

Let It Be

I believe in energy and unseen entities. There was a time I thought I might be clairvoyant and intuitive. My inner guidance was strong. I was confident I was making decisions that were ideal for me. Being a Reiki Master and Teacher, I felt aligned, but then doubt came back – a dark, familiar figure. I was meditating one day and I saw only darkness and shadows behind my eyelids. I was looking and searching and trying to find answers. As I struggled and sat more to meditate for guidance, I grew more and more frustrated by my opposition. Was the universe ignoring me? I thought I must be useless or forgotten. I was lost.

I began to get stuck in this negative cycle of trying to meditate then feeling so incredibly alone. I sought professional help because my friends were telling me I seemed depressed. I criticized myself for everything I might be doing wrong. I had been so joyous for two or three years of my life, but now I felt like a failure and I kept telling myself I was a failure. In the cold, dark days of winter, I told myself I wasn’t earning enough money. I told myself I wasn’t looking attractive anymore. I told myself I wasn’t a happy person and my kids were cursed with me in their lives. I told myself I wasn’t successful. I felt like the failure I had feared all along. Sadness descended upon me. I cried for myself. I cried for the loss of my connection with Spirit. I thought I was doomed to sit in suffering, isolated. Was I being punished?

Perhaps a walk in the woods would help.