Reiki Positive: Let It Be
Let It Be
I believe in energy and unseen entities. There was a time I thought I might be clairvoyant and intuitive. My inner guidance was strong. I was confident I was making decisions that were ideal for me. Being a Reiki Master and Teacher, I felt aligned, but then doubt came back – a dark, familiar figure. I was meditating one day and I saw only darkness and shadows behind my eyelids. I was looking and searching and trying to find answers. As I struggled and sat more to meditate for guidance, I grew more and more frustrated by my opposition. Was the universe ignoring me? I thought I must be useless or forgotten. I was lost.
I began to get stuck in this negative cycle of trying to meditate then feeling so incredibly alone. I sought professional help because my friends were telling me I seemed depressed. I criticized myself for everything I might be doing wrong. I had been so joyous for two or three years of my life, but now I felt like a failure and I kept telling myself I was a failure. In the cold, dark days of winter, I told myself I wasn’t earning enough money. I told myself I wasn’t looking attractive anymore. I told myself I wasn’t a happy person and my kids were cursed with me in their lives. I told myself I wasn’t successful. I felt like the failure I had feared all along. Sadness descended upon me. I cried for myself. I cried for the loss of my connection with Spirit. I thought I was doomed to sit in suffering, isolated. Was I being punished?
Perhaps a walk in the woods would help. As I walked through the woods, I stared hopelessly at the dirt beneath my feet, as I stepped through pine needles dried up along the path that many had walked before me. I inhaled and looked up between the trees and thought to myself, “Please God, send me a sign. I would like you to show me a deer.” As I dropped my chin down again, I immediately heard the sound of hooves on the earth. A pounding, fast. It caught me off guard, it came so quickly. I gasped when I saw its speed, size, and robustness. It suddenly stopped running as it crossed my path, 30 feet away. Timidly, it noticed me. It was a large buck. A stag like figure, standing tall and staring. My cells flooded with joy and awe. This answer from Spirit was not subtle. Quickly, the deer tried to hide and walked into the edge of the woods and ducked behind a tree and watched me. I chuckled at his failure to hide, because he looked like a large elephant behind a skinny stick, still watching me. I carefully walked up to it and said, “I see you, you beautiful gift. Thank you for showing yourself.” And then I smiled, and walked on. I still remember that buck in my heart and in my mind. I remind myself of its message, “I am with you.”
That gift was the beginning of the small shift I needed. When I asked for a sign, I had asked for help from something invisible. The following morning I read a Rumi poem that says,
There is an excess in spiritual searching that is profound ignorance.
Let that ignorance be our teacher.
The Friend breathes into one who has no breath.
A deep silence revives the listening and the speaking of those two who meet on the riverbank.
Like the ground turning green in a spring wind, like birdsong beginning inside the egg.
Like this universe coming into existence, the lover wakes, and whirls in a dancing joy, then kneels down in praise.
The mystery of life and connection is invaluable and all around us. Nature will remind you that you don’t always understand. Sometimes we need silence, so we can learn. Stillness does NOT mean doing nothing. Give some attention to your soul. The mystery of life is right now and now and now and now. Listen in nature. Feel the air, smell it. When you’re joyous, shine all your love and attention on the people in front of you. When you feel alone, turn to the birdsong, the wind, the spring, a river. Life force energy surrounds us always, but you may not know it because you criticize yourself or weave fictional stories. Even when you don’t see the gifts, it’s all still there, breathing and existing, supporting. I got lost and depressed because the only voice I heard was my own ego. Light a candle, make a wish, invest in the mystery, think loving thoughts, shift ever so slightly to stop searching and let it be.
Poem Excerpt: A Year with Rumi: Daily Readings. By Coleman Barks.
Photo credit: the golden eternity
If you’re looking for guidance and support in raising your little ones, Alison would like to help! Send your questions to: firstname.lastname@example.org
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Alison was born and raised deep in the woods of Pennsylvania, where her childhood imagination ran wild and free. As a scabby-kneed tomboy she seemed fearless, yet as she grew older, her fears and anxieties clearly got worse. She attained her Master’s Degree in Sport Psychology. As a clinical researcher and biostatistician at a university medical center for 18 years, Alison co-authored many medical articles and observed first-hand the short-comings of conventional medicine. She left clinical academia to become a Reiki Master Teacher and author. Her goal is to forge energy medicine into conventional medicine and share more intriguing stories and workshops. She has an 8-year-old son and a 12-year-old daughter, and is still learning every hour of every day how to parent.