Rob’s Grocery Talk with Rob
Ashfield man successfully swings dead cat
without hitting a Subaru
ASHFIELD MASS- Seeking either to prove or disprove an oft-heard local adage, Ashfield resident Robert Taft took it upon himself to literally wield a deceased feline in hopes of striking a Subaru, a popular brand of car in this area. Despite his best effort, however, he failed to land even a glancing blow.
The feat, while sounding simple enough, actually imposed several logistical challenges, not the least was a proper location. “I didn’t want to pick a spot totally at random” said Taft, “otherwise; I might end up in the woods where there aren’t any cars at all.” After discussing possible locations with town officials, it was decided that an ideal spot would be an area between Main Street and the edge of Ashfield Hardware’s parking lot. “When I got there, I was happy to see about three Subarus parked there already, so I thought my chances were good” said Taft.
The second challenge involved the procurement of a dead cat, the idea of which was dismissed immediately due to matters of respect and good taste. Instead, “Poo-Poo”, an eighteen-inch plush stuffed toy cat belonging to a local three year old, was recruited as a stand-in. It had been determined that since Poo-Poo was never technically alive, it could indeed serve as a dead cat.
Finally, a set of rules regarding the swing itself had to be agreed on. After further discussion, it was decided that Taft would be blindfolded, guided to the predetermined spot, spun around until mildly dizzy, and allowed one complete 360 degree swing of the dead cat. Additionally, two town officials would serve as judges.
So at 10:30 the next morning, with spectators gathered on sun dappled lawns surrounding the parking lot, and two judges strategically placed on either side, a slightly dizzy and blindfolded Taft, holding tightly to Poo-Poo’s tail, began his clockwise swing. Almost immediately, a cheer rose from the crowd as it appeared Taft had hit the rear quarter panel of a 1996 Legacy wagon. A second cheer erupted about three quarters through his swing as a 2003 Forrester XT, driving directly into Poo-Poo’s path, swerved to avoid the collision. For the time being though, it seemed Taft had his victory.
However, the two judges could not agree on the initial contact with the Legacy wagon, thus prompting a review of the video footage. After several tense minutes, it was determined that Poo-Poo’s monofilament whiskers missed contact with the Subaru by a fraction of an inch.
“I’m glad I did it” said Taft afterwards. “A lot of people have these preconceptions that just don’t hold up in the real world. I think I, and maybe all of us, learned something here today.”
Salsa lovers rejoice!
Appalachian Naturals, the folks from Goshen who make those great salad dressings and marinades and sauces, have a line of salsas that are out of this world but in our store!
Introducing Salsa Veracruz!
These are authentic Latin salsas packed with award winning tomatoes from Massachusetts’ Red Fire Farm and fresh, locally grown veggies & herbs. Certified organic, they come in three temperatures:
Wicked Mild (reminds me of a girlfriend I once had)
Medium (what, not devilishly medium?)
Hoppin’ Hot (another ex-girlfriend)
You will find these items prominently displayed on our “New Items” table. So come on in and get yours today!
Peanut butter lovers rejoice!
I just ordered two varieties of peanut butter from Peanut Butter & Co.
Smooth peanut butter
Smooth peanut butter with honey
No chunks, okay? I get it now.
Warning: these products do contain nuts.
Speaking of honey, we have an order in but it’s taking awhile due to all the bees on vacation this time of year. Please bee patient.
That is all,